That's right! Switching it up from what you do (and don't know) on the night before my birthday! (I will probably look back ten years from now and think "Did I really think that? OH. MY. GOSH!", but for now I will live in the moment) ...so here is my "wisdom". [I also stole the hashtag from Zandi and Erin who are Catawba alum and I really liked it, so thanks (= ]
I'm writing with a lot of emotion, some good, some not so good, but nevertheless it's pretty strong! So here goes .... Let's start with my biggest pet peeve. Sometimes I think it's when someone is smacking gum in my ear (and this thought normally takes place when someone is smacking gum in my ear), and sometimes I think it's when people are "know it all's" (whether they do or don't know anything at all ... cockiness is a huge thumbs down!), but in all reality, it is when people lie to me. You don't have to earn my trust. (WOAH! Did she just say what I think she said?) That's right. Trust comes with the package of: me! You don't have to earn it, but trust and believe once it's broken -- it's done for!!!!! There are times I think to myself that maybe I should just lower my expectations and then I won't be as disappointed. If I am told "I'm going to blahblahblah tomorrow after work", then shame on me for fully expecting you to blahblahblah tomorrow after work. It does not need to be followed with "I promise!", it automatically comes across as an unspoken promise. And when time and time and time and time again you don't follow through, you are not only lying to me, you are showing me how much you value me as a person. So from here on out I will highly doubt much of anything you say, and therefore will not put as much effort into something that is clearly not important to you at all. You are a selfish human being who is not worthy of all I have to offer, but me having the big tender heart that I do, will continue to give you chance after chance, hoping you will prove me wrong ... but this time this big tender heart will simply go into each situation doubting what you said is actually true (because if it actually happens -- then it'll be a good surprise)!
So I guess the wisdom from a 22 year old is simply: You can't fully trust anyone, but instead of avoiding people thinking their automatically an enemy ... give a chance, or two or three, but each time guard your heart more and more until your brain and your heart finally agree that you deserve more than what you're settling for (because you know deep down inside you are in fact settling). We've all heard the saying "forgiven but not forgotten"; for me , though, it is in fact forgotten (in time) to the point to where I can't tell you exactly what happened and when. But even though it has been forgotten, my instincts tell me NO and without hesitation I follow them. Those "gut feelings"/"God speakings" are more than a hunch, they are the bars that have been built around my heart to guard me.
I'm going to finish up my night lesson planning and listening to the Lion King station on Pandora and wake up to another year full of laughter, tears, lessons, mistakes, and hopefully more wisdom.
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