#22yearsofdenise

     That's right! Switching it up from what you do (and don't know) on the night before my birthday! (I will probably look back ten years from now and think "Did I really think that? OH. MY. GOSH!", but for now I will live in the moment) ...so here is my "wisdom". [I also stole the hashtag from Zandi and Erin who are Catawba alum and I really liked it, so thanks (= ]

     I'm writing with a lot of emotion, some good, some not so good, but nevertheless it's pretty strong! So here goes .... Let's start with my biggest pet peeve.  Sometimes I think it's when someone is smacking gum in my ear (and this thought normally takes place when someone is smacking gum in my ear), and sometimes I think it's when people are "know it all's" (whether they do or don't know anything at all ... cockiness is a huge thumbs down!), but in all reality, it is when people lie to me.  You don't have to earn my trust. (WOAH! Did she just say what I think she said?) That's right.  Trust comes with the package of: me!  You don't have to earn it, but trust and believe once it's broken -- it's done for!!!!!  There are times I think to myself that maybe I should just lower my expectations and then I won't be as disappointed.  If I am told "I'm going to blahblahblah tomorrow after work", then shame on me for fully expecting you to blahblahblah tomorrow after work.  It does not need to be followed with "I promise!", it automatically comes across as an unspoken promise.  And when time and time and time and time again you don't follow through, you are not only lying to me, you are showing me how much you value me as a person.  So from here on out I will highly doubt much of anything you say, and therefore will not put as much effort into something that is clearly not important to you at all. You are a selfish human being who is not worthy of all I have to offer, but me having the big tender heart that I do, will continue to give you chance after chance, hoping you will prove me wrong ... but this time this big tender heart will simply go into each situation doubting what you said is actually true (because if it actually happens -- then it'll be a good surprise)!

     So I guess the wisdom from a 22 year old is simply: You can't fully trust anyone, but instead of avoiding people thinking their automatically an enemy ... give a chance, or two or three, but each time guard your heart more and more until your brain and your heart finally agree that you deserve more than what you're settling for (because you know deep down inside you are in fact settling).  We've all heard the saying "forgiven but not forgotten"; for me , though, it is in fact forgotten (in time) to the point to where I can't tell you exactly what happened and when.  But even though it has been forgotten, my instincts tell me NO and without hesitation I follow them. Those "gut feelings"/"God speakings" are more than a hunch, they are the bars that have been built around my heart to guard me.

     I'm going to finish up my night lesson planning and listening to the Lion King station on Pandora and wake up to another year full of laughter, tears, lessons, mistakes, and hopefully more wisdom.

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What you do (and don't) know ... part 3!

Today I have loved my job more than any other day.  Now don’t get me wrong – I absolutely LOVE what I do; and even on my worst days, I couldn’t imagine being anything else/doing anything else. But today it hit me that I really do love what I do.  If someone asked me to SHOW you how much I love someone/something, I couldn't.  How would I?  I can try to describe everything about it that is great, I could try to hug someone, but that doesn’t show LOVE, that just shows reasons that led to love.  So if you asked me to show you how I know I love what I do, I couldn’t, but I darn well will try.

 

What you do know:

Today was a great day.

 
What you don’t know:

So the kinder teachers, our literacy coach, and our AP are all doing a book study on the book Word Solvers by Michele Dufresne.  It is about making sense of letter sounds and building words and what not -- pretty much how to better our ways of teaching the kiddos how to read.  I led the discussion today and was more in my element than I have ever been (considering my "audience" was over the age of 10...).  I showed up with a half sheet 1-minute task to complete, and then followed it with a 30 minute Prezi (I love Prezis!), and then brought it all back to the task in the beginning.  When The 6 person audience applauded me at the end and said "Wow! You did great!", the rest of my day was set!  I was confident.  I was happy.  I was doing what I love, and I felt as though I had rocked out! So that was number one of happy today. Then came number two.  My babes have been working on phoneme segmentation (I say the word "cat" they tell me the sounds are "c"/"a"/"t"and they aren't allowed to see the word) ... and we have been struggling hardcore.  Well I did a mini lesson, gave some examples, felt like I was repeating myself, and then gave them some words to practice ... and they more than blew me out of the water!  One of my kiddos (who couldn't tell me A made the /"a"/ sound YESTERDAY) gave me the correct sounds on every. single. word. today! I was ECSTATIC! (I even tried to trick them with words that have "sh", "ch", "th", "wh", and "magic/silent e" words ...and they got them!) YAY! Numero tres: the kinder team met after school today. We compared our data to see where we needed to guide our instruction.  We are doing beyond what we ever could have imagined and are making GIANT steps! (1st grade teachers-we're trying!) Good things come in three, right? =D

 

 

What you do know:

I don't watch much television.

 

What you don't know:

When asked the common question "What is your favorite TV show?" I normally don't have an answer.  I love watching some shows (Criminal Minds, The Voice, Golden Girls, Hollywood Game Night) ...BUT I don't watch them religiously.  I was never a big TV watcher because I was always busy and rarely home long enough to watch anything (nor did I have the patience to sit still long enough), but here recently I'm addicted. What show you might ask? The news. (WXII to be exact!)  I wake up in the morning and it's on in the background while I'm getting ready. I get home and get things ready for the night and next day, and it's on in the background. I'm addicted.  Can't get enough.  I have no idea why.  Normally it's full of negativity.  I started watching it in the mornings to find out what the weather was going to be like for the day so that I could dress accordingly, and then became semi-attached to the stories. Now don't get me wrong. Some of the things on the news do not interest me one bit, BUT some things are really informative.  And as a teacher, it's good to know what's going on out there so that I can answer a question one of the kiddos might have.  I decided to make a very mature decision last week and go to work when I knew the WXII crew was at the local park all day. That was a tough decision, but I decided to be responsible. Yup, it's official. I'm growing up. I no longer rush home to watch Rocket Power or Lizzy McGuire, I rush home to listen to Wanda Starks and wake up early so I can get the D-L from Austin Caveness. Hello adulthood. (hello adult bills and adult responsibilities too =/)

 

 

What you do know:

We all want to be rich.

 

What you don't know:

We have heard time and time (and time and time and time) again that money is not necessarily what makes someone rich.  Friendships, relationships, an education, things we cherish are what make us "rich" because that's what we invest in.  I 100% agree with this, but how do I explain that I want to look rich? I do have relationships, friendships, strong faith, things that I cherish and people I have invested in that no doubtedly make me a "rich" person. But how do I look rich? How do I get to the point of a stranger looking on from the outside that thinks to themselves "She's got it all together"? Well, I guess the answer is: I don't.  I don't have it all together.  I would like to portray myself as having it all together, but in all reality I don't.  I would like to think I am a fairly smart person, but if I walk into a situation with no confidence, then it doesn't matter how much I know, I am automatically the weakest link.  I would like to think that  someone I have never met can look at me at any given moment and think "She has got it going on!", but in all reality, I more than likely have glue in my hair, my shoes probably have paint on them, my hair is probably in a pony tail, and the day's makeup is slowly but surely fading (and it may have been left over from the day before). I would like to think that I'm not just treading water as the person who falls asleep on top of the covers at 10pm with work clothes still on after a long day at two jobs. I'd like to think I can keep afloat without looking disheveled, but let's be real ... sometimes I feel as if I would lose my head if it weren't attached. But it doesn't matter whether or not I put two different shoes on, if I notice my watch battery is dead halfway through the day, or if I have yesterday's makeup on, because I am rich indeed.  I have a God who loves me.  I have a family and friends who would do anything for me.  I have 20 babies who hang onto every word I say.  And I have an education that will open doors for me that I don't even know exist.  So to that stranger looking in: I may be treading water, but I'm sure you'll need a swim lesson or two at some point in your life.

 

What you do know:

I love the news.

 

What you ...probably know:

It's almost time for the news to come on. So I'm going to wrap things up for the night and get to watching my favorite TV show! You rock for reading this :) ta-ta-for-now!

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What you do (and don't know) ... part 2!

I was recently asked the question: "How was your day?" Ok, no big deal ... this gets asked fairly often and normally a simple "Pretty good!" would suffice, but this time was a little different.  When I replied with "I'm exhausted, so it must've been good, right?" answer, the question that followed took a minute for me to respond.  The question of "Did you teach them anything new today?" would normally receive the response of DUH! They learned 10 more numbers, 5 new words, read a new book, wrote a new story, AND learned how butterflies became butterflies ... of course they learned something new! But that wasn't the answer this time.  As I reflected on what I was really teaching my babies on a daily basis, I sort of came up with an answer that was pretty fitting.  Because no, 4 of my kiddos still don't know the new words I taught; and no, 2 of my kiddos still hold a book upside down; and (believe it or not) no, some of the precious little ones still don't realize butterflies don't just randomly give birth to a new butterfly.  BUT I am teaching them to love learning.  In all reality, if they were so engaged in the activity of cutting and pasting caterpillars, eggs, and butterflies to their favorite color of construction paper that they truly couldn't wait to come back the next day to finish it, then I felt pretty accomplished.  If they still can't tell me that the word and is indeed the word and, but get up front and center of the class to lead the chant of the day (which is simply singing A-N-D-AND over and over again) and beg to lead again the next day, then I feel pretty good. When a child loves to learn, their eyes light up.  When their eyes light up, they ask questions.  When they ask questions, they get answers.  When they get answers, they feel more confident.  When they are confident, they are more apt to do it all over again.  So I answered the question of "What did you teach today?" with a simple "I'm working on each and every child to leave my classroom with questions for the next day because they simply love learning."


What you do know:
Some of the best leaders know when to follow.

What you don't know:
At a very young age, I was put into leadership positions that were out of my control because I "possessed leadership qualities".  At the age of 9, I was the lead pianist for my dad's church, as well as a Sunday school teacher for 3-5 year olds.  At the age of 12, I was a team captain for two different teams.  At the age of 17, I was a team captain, an editor for the school newspaper, "president" of three clubs, and put together a production for the community that raised money for breast cancer awareness.  At the age of 20, I was the Aquatics Programming Assistant at the YMCA (in charge of lifeguards/swim instructors), Head Resident Advisor (in charge of other Resident Advisors), and I was on the leadership team for Fellowship of Christian Athletes and Kappa Delta Pi Honor Society.  At the age of 22, I am struggling.  Yes, I am the leader of my classroom, but it has definitely not been an easy journey.  Some of the best leaders know when to follow, right?  Well my first year of teaching has been extremely difficult to let other people (who have learned the ropes) take control of meetings and plan events.  I feel as though I haven't yet been given the opportunity to let my leadership show.  But I'm working on it!  I am getting more involved in a church that I LOVE, I am leading next week's book study for the Kindergarten teachers, I am helping run an event or two at school, I am back to playing volleyball with friends and am stepping up on the court.  I now understand that following may be difficult at times, but it is really eye opening as to how to take strategies and tips from others who are leading and apply them to when I do get the opportunities I have been waiting for.


What you do know:
I'm a fairly quiet person.

What you don't know:
It's because I try to do everything possible to not offend anyone.  I would rather bite my tongue, go home and shed some tears at night, and get up the next day and give you a great big hug when I see you, than to ever tell you that I'm hurting, offended, or even miserable.  I would bend over backwards, give you the shirt off my back, drive to pick you up at 4am 2 hours away and give you a place to crash indefinitely for just about anyone, no matter how many times you have hurt me.  Yes, I am just as much at fault for letting people walk all over me as they are for doing all the walking, but in all reality, it's just who I am.  My mother worded it perfectly over the phone yesterday.  She said, "You go into any relationship fully trusting that the other person is going to do the right thing.  But slowly, when their decisions lead to that trust dwindling down little by little, you are left with none.  And trust is one thing that is very hard to repair once it's been broken."  She is absolutely right!  She described trust one time as being similar to a bundle of sticks.  When the first stick is taken from the pile, the pile is still pretty strong.  It more than likely still can't be broken.  Once another stick is taken from the pile, the other sticks bend much easier, but it's still pretty strong.  Each time a stick is taken from the pile, the pile becomes weaker and weaker until eventually, the last stick snaps!  That stick can always be glued back together, but the glue will eventually wear off.  It can be taped back together, but the tape will lose it's stickiness.  It can be stitched back together, but it's never quite the same.  One or two punches might knock the wind out of us, but we will eventually stand back up and keep on truckin'.  But when we are being kicked while we're still down, now that's hard to recover from.  When we get up, we will be hurting.  We will probably be able to walk again, and from the outside no one else will even know we were just lying on the ground gasping for air.  But in that moment we were gasping for air, we realized that we can avoid the awful feeling and just steer clear of the one knocking us down and lean towards the one who was reaching their hand out to pick us up each time. Friends knock the wind out of us every now and again.  It is inevitable.  They take a stick from the bundle and toss it far away.  But true friends, don't do it on purpose.  And they sure as all get out don't keep doing it over and over again.  And they most definitely do not kick us while we are down, they are the ones reaching out their hands telling us to get back up and that the sting will stop shortly.  They are the ones who sense states away that something may be up and just randomly send a message.  They are the ones who seemed to have taken a stick out of the bundle when life threw them a couple of lemons.  But they took that stick to use as a bat and sent those lemons flying the other way.  They took that stick and found a bigger one and sent it back to you making that bundle stronger than it ever was.  They are the ones worth investing time in, not the ones kicking you while you're down.  So my quietness?  It's not being stuck up.  It's trying to not hurt you.  It's trying to not take your stick.  It's taking one of my sticks from the bundle and handing it to you because you seemed to need it at that moment.  It may be all I have to give you, but I'll give it to you in a heartbeat without ever expecting to see it again.  That quietness ... that's wheels turning in my head what I can do at that moment to be what you need me to be when you need me to be it.


What you do know:
I love my babies and they love field trips.

What you don't know:
(well you probably do know) ... I'm absolutely exhausted from exploring with the little ones today, so I reckon it's time to change into some comfy clothes, maybe go splurge on a smoothie, and go find some sticks to add to my bundle.  Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this. ta-ta-for-now!

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What you do (and don't) know!

     I'm sitting on the corner of "should I start my own blog (again)?" and "should I just keep following a very relatable blog of a friend?", when all of a sudden the car--no, the truck--that drove through the puddle of "just do it" splashes me in the face giving me just the answer! The friend's blog: Lucy's Inspiration.  The truck splashing me in the face: Sarah Kay's Inspiration.  So there it is.  My inspiration.  My motivation.  Now my part: dedication.  Here we go!

What you do know:
I teach kindergarten.

What you don't know:
My "class" is not a just group of students eager to learn, we are a family.  When I refer to any of my kiddos, they are my babies.  The foundation of the rest of one's education? Kindergarten.  You want to be a doctor? Great! Who taught you how to write? (even though it's not too legible once you become a doctor) It was your kindergarten teacher.  You want to be an NFL player? Awesome! Who taught you how to read that contract you had to sign?  Your kindergarten teacher. You want to be an architect? Wonderful! Who taught you those shapes and the basics of measuring that you'll be needing? Yep, your kindergarten teacher.  But I am so much more than a reading, writing, know your shapes person.  I am a whole lot of "blow your nose in this", "tie your shoes so you don't fall", "please shut the door when you go to the bathroom", "why are you walking down the stairs backwards" with a touch of math, reading, writing, science, and social studies here and there.  I personally think the best thing about sarcasm with six-year-olds, is the fact that they don't quite understand it.  So when the boy who reads on a second grade level in kindergarten asks me what he should do with the strawberries I just handed him, and I reply with "I don't know, stare at it until it starts talking to you I guess", and he sits at his desk puzzled and begins to eat his strawberries, it's simply comic relief.  But when the same smart boy who reads on a second grade level in kindergarten starts to get upset because "mom doesn't have the money for the field trip", somehow $12 magically shows up.  And even though his teacher may have had to skip out on her fancy coffee for a few days, she wouldn't miss seeing him smile and getting to learn with his friends for anything in the world. And no, we do not take naps.  We do not have time for that.  Asking a kindergarten teacher how long they actually teach after naptime, recess, and lunch is actually pretty offensive! (and the answer to the question is: 0 min for naptime, 15 minutes for lunch - 10of which they are getting through the line, and 15 for recess; so my "breaks" consist of 30 minutes of non-instructional time and a 2 minute bathroom break -- IF I'm lucky!)  Oh! I forgot to mention ... did you know that someone I once called a "best friend" told me that I would never be able to teach kindergarten?  She told me that I didn't have the personality, patience, or skill set to teach kindergarteners.  And did you also know that (my first year teaching) out of my class of 19 students, 15 of them are leaving me in just a few short weeks reading ON or ABOVE grade level? And that the same 19 students came in knowing a few letter names, but NO letter sounds? And the 4 that aren't there yet made improvement since day 1?  And did you also know that a student of mine told me he wanted to be a kindergarten teacher when he grows up because "you taught me everything I know and I love coming to school!"? Yeah, when people try to put me down, it's more than bittersweet to more than prove them wrong!



What you do know:
I went to a Division II school.

What you don't know:
I turned down full rides to Division I schools and chose to attend a school that was not only in Forbes (again), but used MY FACE in the published article! Forbes loves Catawba  What you may look at face value would be a small school who isn't as good as D1 schools.  What you are missing is the fact that I chose to have the community feel throughout my four years at Catawba.  What you're also missing is the fact that while I played volleyball at a DII school, every spring we gave other D1 schools a run for their money and even took home the victory.  How?  Because we had heart.  Because we had fun.  And because we didn't let the "small school" mentality hold us back.  We had something to prove.  And we did. Time and time again.  I bet you also didn't know that on top of being a student athlete, I not only majored in Elementary Education, but I also minored in Psychology, was a leader for both Fellowship of Christian Athletes and Kappa Delta Pi (an honor society for education), was a West Scholar (which consisted of an application and interview process AND provided many opportunities outside of NC), was a member of three honor societies, was a Head Resident Advisor, and had a part time job.  So when you want to throw in my face that you had to work hard for all that you've accomplished, trust me when I say I've walked a few miles in your shoes. Choosing a small school was important to me because I wanted to be successful in my field and I sought out the best education with the perfect classroom sizes and most amazing professors for me.  So please, when you turn your nose up at me because I went to a DII school, I still earned my degree while juggling this and that for years. And I can't forget to mention that Catawba led me to some amazing friendships that will forever be a part of who I am.  Also, (not that I'm political in any way, shape, or form), but the governor of North Carolina is also a Catawba alum ... which holds my alma mater to some sort of high standard, right?



What you do know:
I'm painfully shy reserved.

What you don't know:
When asked if I could have any profession in the world other than my current one, my answer? A motivational speaker. Yep, this gal-who is terrified of getting in front of a group of people who are over the age of ten-has a life goal of being in front of a large crowd making people laugh and making people fall in love with why they do what they do all over again.  I have noticed that a few of my babies are very similar to me with their "please don't call on me because I'm afraid I'm wrong" faces.  My solution? Letting them share their ideas with a partner FIRST, which gives them confidence and/or a different perspective on the assignment.  So here is my "sharing ideas" portion that will [hopefully] lead to fulfilling a life goal.  I also have a goal of finishing a triathlon, backpacking through Europe, and publishing a book (I have no idea what about yet) -- but those will have to wait for now.


What you do know:
It's almost 1am.

What you don't know:
It's about 4 hours past my bedtime, so I'm going to call it quits for the night.  Thank you times a million for taking time out of your day to listen to me rant.  There will be more to come, I promise, just not at 1am.  So ta-ta-for-now my friends!

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