I probably should have titled today's post "pity party" ... so here's my disclosure: if you're easily offended, stop reading now. Let's start by saying I urban dictionaried the term hopeless romantic, and after that created a youtube playlist of songs that would contribute to my pity party...and now here I am!
What you DO know ...
Heartbreak SUCKS!
What you don't know...
Well I don't even know the answer to this question, but is it even possible to find such happiness again? I understand the whole "If you'll let happiness in again, then yes it is posssible" but in all reality, loving without any reservation (again) seems out of the question. Now PLEASE don't get me wrong, I don't need or want you back in my life to be happy, I simply want the feeling I once had to happen again, hopefully stronger, and definitely with someone who I'm not settling for. Lady A says it best in their song Ready to Love Again, because I am in fact ready to love again, but I'm not going to settle, no way!
What you DO know...
Music speaks when words can't.
What you don't know ...
We all have different tastes in music, and we find that a song 'speaks to us' when we seem to need it most, but here's another question for ya! Does it really happen? Like when Luke Bryan (yummm) talks about knowing she was the one after the first night sitting on a tailgate, or when Billy Currington talks about his small town girl conquering the night ... does that really happen????? It's such a sweet love story we yearn for it to happen, but I guess if we're yearning for it then maybe that's why it's not happening? I don't know!!!! But I do know I want a one of a kind, "awww", story too ... I mean what gal doesn't?
What you DO know...
It's easier to recognize what we don't want than it is to figure out what we do want.
What you don't know ...
I've figured out what I do AND don't want (...sort of). While the 'don't' list was much easier, the 'do' list is just as important. Also, neither of these lists would necessarily disqualify someone, maybe they disqualify me for being so ... picky . Just to name a few: I DON'T want someone who is lazy, I DO want someone who is driven, hardworking, and while athleticism shows non-laziness (and is very much preferred), someone who is goal oriented is definitely someone I would need not only to push and encourage me, but quite frankly to keep up with me! I DON'T want someone who is self-absorbed, I DO want someone who will compliment me as a person as well as grow our relationship together and grow our relationship with Christ. Regarding relationships (friendships in particular) I DON'T want someone who is simply pretending. There are so many times when I really reached out and opened up to some that not only shut a door in my face, but slammed it, and slammed it hard and apparently locked it because it hasn't been opened since. I DO want someone who may be placed in my life for a reason or a season to actually stay for a lifetime. I would bend over backwards for any one of my friends, give you the shirt off my back, despite the fact that you wouldn't do the same, I just can't help but feel frustrated.
What you DO know...
Clearly I'm in this hopeless romantic stage ...
What you don't know ...
It leads to a lot of questions regarding self-worth. While other people's opinions and actions should not determine a person's self-worth, let's be real -- it definitely does! Questions of why I've never been a part of someone's special moments whether it's a wedding, birthday, new job, and so on, but I'm the one they call when they need help with something/when crisis strikes? It sucks. It just plain sucks. I know I'm a pushover, but I give you the opportunity to not push me over, and when you do, I sure do expect you to at least help me back up, but (much to my dismay) that's not the case. And please don't think my sometimes "negative nancy" attitude is anything more than carrying the world on my shoulders not only for me, but for you, and you, and you, and you, and it sometimes takes a toll on one, believe it or not, especially when the ones you count on walk out of your life and slam that door.
I also understand that putting my trust in worldly things, such as other people, and not on the man upstairs leads to these feelings of heartbreak and hopelessness, but I also realize God sends people into one's life when it's the right timing, and also removes them, but here's my pity party; take it or leave it ... I have!
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